Tag Archives: theatre etiquette

A Short Story

I decided to see one of my all time favourite movies today in IMAX 3D. I paid $17 for the ticket alone which, let’s be honest, I would happily pay to see it in theatres in regular format. It’s that damn good.

I sat beside two happy young men who were chattering along before the movie started and a little bit into the credits. Eventually they quieted and I watched in bliss as the thumping theme song led us on into my happy place. Until, that is, the first dinosaur appeared. This they found quite shocking and both exclaimed “Oh shit!” followed by some snorting laughter. It’s a shocking beginning, I’ll give you that. It wasn’t long however before it became clear to me that these gentlemen were entirely unaware of the plot of this movie as they continued to be startled every time a dinosaur entered a scene and gave out an “oh shit!” or “fuck!” followed by more nervous laughter.

Every. Damn. Time.

I could tell by the shifting in seats of my fellow movie goers that I wasn’t the only one perturbed by this behaviour. It wasn’t until the scene where Tim tells his “Doyouthinkhesaurus” joke and one guy replied with a dry “Haha. Fuck off.” that I really felt something should be done.

I took off my 3D glasses and turned to the duo to ask them to please keep it down so others could enjoy the movie. Unfortunately by that point I was filled with such apoplectic rage that all that came out was an incoherent scream. I then rolled up my Tribute magazine and killed them both like Jason Fucking Bourne.

The theatre was silent. Then a great cheer erupted; hands clapped my back and mothers wept. The manager came up to me and shook my hand offering me a lifetime of free movies at any Cineplex Odeon theatre I liked.  Once calm was restored I sat and watched the rest of one of my all time favourite movies with a great satisfaction in my heart, knowing I had made the world a better place.

The End.

(original post date on facebook April 14th. But I liked it, so I’m repeating it here.)

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